The Watcher

I froze.

Oh no!

It's back.

I didn't even have to look up. In some way, don't ask me how, I just sensed it. I could feel it watching me, eyes glazing over me, studying me as if I were under a microscope.

I moved, 

so did it.

I moved again,

so did it.

no no please not now!

Courageously I tilted my head ever so slightly to the right, the rest of my body rigid with suspense, I just need to get a proper look I thought and assess the situation. Fearing that it would see the motion of my head I froze again and now only dared to move my eyes, cautiously, as though even the slightest movement would cause it launch some sort of an attack.

I have just moved into a flat as part of a new job. On Sunday 2nd January I packed up my things and drove down to London for the start of a brand new adventure. I have just become a Residence Life Supervisor and look after the safety and well being of around 250 students, with a team of 7, who have come over from America to study for a semester. Luckily I've had 4 days to get settled and ready before the academic enthusiasts arrived, which they did, on mass on Thursday 6th January.

Today is Friday 7th January. I have known the students for 1 day.

In my room I have the luxury of an 'en suite' complete with shower, sink and toilet. It had been a particularly long day showing the students around, attending orientation tours and generally getting used to this shiny new area. It was about 10:30pm and i was shattered, so i took the decision to have a shower to gradually wind down and relax a bit before heading off to bed and grabbing some well deserved rest. The students were assembled in the kitchen downstairs after i had just had a meeting and inquired how they were getting on and settling in, putting on my best professional side which I was really pleased with. Right, good impression set now it was time to get clean, I entered the bathroom and turned on the shower and waited for it to reach a nice temperature, not too cold for it to be pointless and not too hot for me to end up with a low cut scold but something inbetween, something just right. There we go,

I climbed in, ahhhhhh

Peerrfect.

Now, not only is the shower a place for washing off the days dirt and problems but to many of us, well to me at least, it is a natural stage, unexplored to the hearts of the few and rarely discovered by the souls of many.

I turned on the shower radio, picked up the backscratcher and began to sing, quietly mind you, I didn't want to embarass myself infront of new students. I was in a position of authority after all.

About 5 minutes had passed and i had created an exceptional lather of shampoo on my head, i tend to be a little goofy with foam and often pretend to have a beard. The thing is i'm a little bit silly, my inner child has never really died out and probably never will which is good because i very much doubt my soul will let it.

So there I was, head lathered up, beard expertly crafted, backscratcher (microphone) in hand when I sensed it and froze.

no no please not now! I despaired

Maybe i can get it away from me I started to stealthily look around for objects using only my eyes, and then I had an idea, a genius idea

The Backscratcher! 

I had the weapon already perfectly placed in my hand now all I needed was a plan. 

okay Alex, quickly take a look....

...now!

I darted my eyes up and immediately shot them down again, Its in the right hand corner, I froze again, it didn't see me.

I can't stay like this forever! 

right, heres the plan, first, quickly glance up and fiercely stare back with your fiercest stare ever, let it see you mean business, next, while its attention is focused on you move right hand containing backscratcher to the small of your back, then, to distract and confuse, raise left hand above head drawing its gaze and finally strike with the right using all your might and then allow its dismembered body to slowly drift down the plughole. Puff chest and smile victoriously.

Flawless.

Right Alex, here goes...execute plan......NOW!

I quickly glanced up and it jumped on my shoulder. "AAAAHHHHHHH!!!" I screamed, slipped and arms flailing I grabbed the nearest thing i could, the shower head, and took it with me...CCRAAASSSHHH!!

silence.

The next thing i heard was a rabble of 22 legs thundering up the stairs

BANG BANG on the door

"Alex?! Alex are you ok? is everything alright man?" came American voices

"oh yep yep i'm absolutely fine" I replied unconvincingly whilst still lying on the bathroom floor, shower head in one hand still pouring with water, backscratcher in the sink, shampoo lathered hair and half a foam beard

"we're coming in dude"

"No! no no i'm fine seriously!" i scrambled to the floor and put the shower head back, grabbed a towel and approached the closed bedroom door

"are you sure, what was that noise about man?"

"I was....erm.....putting up a.....picture"

"really?..."

"yeh yeh, i dropped the thing and it landed on....my foot, i slipped and fell, sorry guys all is well"

"I didn't think we were allowed to put pictures up"

Alex you idiot!

"Er......erm....we're not? i'm glad you told me, oh right I suppose it was lucky that it dropped on my pinky before i had the chance to go any further with it" shut up Alex!

"your pinky?"

"yeh my little pinky"

"whats a little pinky? Hey guys do you know what a little pinky is?"

"his little what?" came a different American voice

"his little pinky? dude whats a little pinky?"

"that just doesn't sound right man"

"hey JJ type in 'little pinky' on google"

"Little what?!" came a distant JJ

"little pinky, P.I.N.K.Y" 

"i'm not sure if I want to man"

"Alex is a little pinky your d..."

"my toe! it means my little toe! i've hurt my little toe, nothing else" I exclaimed

"o...k...well if your sure thats what a pinky is....erm....we're just going to finish off making a bite to eat so..."

"yep i'll be down in a minute or so" i replied

"Dude whats a little pinky?" came a very distant voice

"I dunno but alex has got one!"

(distant laughter)

dripping wet, a scrape on my knee and a dent in my pride I returned to the scene. The floor and walls were soaked, the backscratcher had taken out most of my toiletries after its spectacular landing and the spare toilet rolls had spewed everywhere. I reflected on what had just happened and then instantly tried to put it out of my head. Why was it watching me anyway, and in the shower. Pervert!

I had just enough time to glance down and see it scurrying away into a dark corner, swagger in its walk, a gleaming smile on its face and triumph in its eyes solidly confirming what I already knew.

I really hate spiders.

Especially perverted ones.

Sigh

Saffron

"waaaaaaahhhhhh!"

Please stop

"waaaaaaahhhhhhh! Waaaaaahhhhhh!"

Please?!

Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!"

I'm tired, I'm really tired. It's the train home from Waterloo and it's busy. I'm sat opposite a man and his daughter who can't be older than 3 and she's been screaming her lungs out for the last 2 stops. I mean seriously screaming her lungs out. It's been a relatively long day, I've had to go into London to run a few errands and was quite enjoying the thought of being able to take the quiet train home. It wasn't meant to be.

"shhhhhhh, come now saffron we mustn't cry must we" said her father

No we musn't must we saffron! I thought as I looked around the carriage identifying faces of dread, annoyance and tiredness from the other passengers after a long day at work, it was clear I wasn't the only one feeling the effects of a 3 year olds crys of attention.

"shhhhhhh saffron, here let's do Daddys crossword"

Please let Daddys crossword work!

It didn't.

"WAAAAHHHHH!"

"come saffron, don't cry, we'll be home soon"

"waaaaahhhhh! ......I.......want.....mumma"

Right about now so did I, come on dad think of something!

"oh I know..."

Yes!

"....I'll draw you a piggy"

A piggy?!  I calmed myself, each time my head pounding from the sound louder than a concorde! ok please let this piggy work, he set about drawing on a newspaper he found on the floor, daughter screaming her lungs out, the carriage was now getting really full, no one getting off just everyone getting on.

Rush hour.

He doodled there and squiggled here and eventually completed it,

"ta da!"

Nothing. Still the screams went on, it didn't work, at all.

"hmmm...maybe we could ask this young man to draw a pig?"

I didn't register

"..how about it young man?"

why was he looking at me?

"please would you draw a piggy for my daughter?"

I still didn't register

"Just a small Piggy?"

he was looking at me square in the eyes...

I registered

What?!

"would you?"

"oh....er...erm....I really don't think that...."

"if you would it might help her stop crying"

I looked around, half the carriage was looking at me all with eyes of expectation almost egging me on, like I was some form of new hope sent here to restore peace amongst fellow travellers. 

Even the daughter stopped screaming briefly to look at me through tear strewn eyes

"o....k...."

I took the paper and pen and glanced down, along with everyone else, at the newspaper, the woman next to me was practically breathing down my neck.

I hesitated

Saffron started up again "waaaaahhhhh!"

I touched pen to paper, the woman next to me breathing heavily eyes staring intently on the pen and what it was about to create.
And then it struck me.

What does a piggy look like?!

In all the excitement and anxiety I just went blank! every sodding person was studying me intently, hoping. I have to draw something! but I panicked. Saffron was back on form and well into it now, come on man its a pig! 

I started...

"see saffron the nice young man is drawing for you, what do you say?

".....Waaaaaahhhhhh!"

Right I was into this now, I could remember pigs, I could do this. This was going to be the best damn piggy saffron had ever seen! Pen touched paper. I gave him a curly tail, a cute little nose, big rounded body and a lovely smiley face, I drew all four legs and all the piggy features a happy pig should have, some hills underneath, I even put the sun in the corner of the page with rays of happiness exploding out of the centre, a few birds on the skyline and some quick pen strokes to add the effect of movement and I was almost complete. This was one happy pig bounding through fields of greenery.

As the drawing went on I was actually feeling rather proud of myself, I'm not what anyone would call a good drawer at all but this was turning out pretty darn good, I hadn't just drawn saffron a pig, I had drawn saffron a scene, a scene of prosperity and joyfulness amoungst pigs, a place of piggy leisure for all happy pigs. 

Done.

I lowered the pen. It was time

"erm....I'm finished"

Silence. 

Deafly silence. 

everyone stopped, turned towards me and waited.

"Oh look Saffy the nice man has finished the drawing for you"

Saffron went quiet, this was it

I raised the drawing, the scene facing me so i could flip it round quickly, I glanced at the woman next to me and she glanced back with approving eyes of encouragement "thats my boy" they said

I flipped it

Saffron looked at and studied every inch summing it up. The hearts of all passengers in their mouths, a bead of sweat ran from my head to the end of my nose, me too tense to care...

then....

"WAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

the whole carriage groaned, some people shaking their heads with dissapointment. Saffron was really crying now as if somehow the picture had offended her

"But I even gave it a smiley face" I said, disheartened

"hang on I know what we'll do!..." Daddy exclaimed

 "...We'll draw a horse!" 

"Ah yeh a horse!" I enthused

Holy crap we've just become a team

"Right, you take the horse, i'll take the scenery" he said

we shared the paper in the middle of the seat, he started at the top of the page drawing upside down whilst I took the bulk of it, right side up, drawing the best horse i possibly could

"Don't forget the saddle" 

who said that?

I glanced round to see the woman sitting next to me on the edge of her seat pointing towards the horselike shape on the page, she had joined us

"How are you getting on?" asked daddy

"Ok....I think"

And we were, we had drawn a horse with a saddle and an overly bushy tale with four legs and everything! the scenery was stunning, with hills, a rainbow and a few trees. It was, beautiful.

We had finished

"Right Saffy, look what we've drawn for you?"

The three of us took one last look at each other and then turned to the judge

Silence.

Then it came, a sound which ran right the way through the carriage

Saffron giggled

"Datchet. The next stop is Datchet" informed the amazingly polite woman over the train tannoy

Saffron giggled even more and was soon bursting with laughter, clutching the picture in her hands

Relief! I sat back in my chair almost exhausted from what had come to pass
"Well this is us isn't it Saffty" stated the dad "thank you for helping me" he aimed at the woman and I. 

Saffron and daddy got up as the train pulled into the station and waited by the doors for the train to stop. They both stepped off at Datchet with the picture still firmly grasped by the 3 years old

Success!! Elation!! We did it!!

I looked out of the window just in time to see Daddy and Saffron wave to me from the station a joyful smile on their faces, I raised my hand and waved back as they slowly entered the distance

I stopped a while and sat back, then I looked at the woman next to me and she looked back

I grinned a really big grin.